he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
