Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
