I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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