I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
