My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
