Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
