Plan B is the new Plan A
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
