my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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