I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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