she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
