My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
