I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
