I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
