How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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