i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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