I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just pee around me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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