Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
