And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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