why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
