I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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