someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
