and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
