Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
