he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
