he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
