had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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