But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
