Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
