I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
