just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
