woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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