From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
