I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
