You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
