I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She bit a glass in half.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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