i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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