Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
