Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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