Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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