just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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