is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i believe in u and ur pee
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
