She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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