i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
