My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I sprained my soul last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
