I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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