I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
