susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
