I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
