The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
