is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
