I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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