i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
